Crazy Little Thing Called Love
When I became a parent just over 15 months ago I remember holding this squidgy, slimy, wriggly little bundle of wrinkles in my arms as we lay together in the bath. The intimate and deep connection I had felt with this little being during the nine months of pregnancy seemed to disappear in comparison to the emotions I was feeling at this moment of meeting post-utero. As any parent can probably recall, the instantaneous burst of love that I suddenly felt for is little person was so overwhelming and unexplainable. Nothing and no one can prepare you for the explosion of emotion that comes out of hiding from the absolute depths of your being. At that initial moment of introduction to my freshly-born baby boy, Hugo James, I thought that my heart was officially at full capacity and that I could never love anything or anyone more than I loved him right at that moment.But as the days and weeks went on something unexpected occurred within me. As each new day with him came and went, as he started to grow and develop and change before my very eyes, as he began to interact with me and react to me, as we bonded together as he lay with me feeding, as we got to know one another and developed a rhythm unique to our own relationship, I found that my love for him....changed.I loved him MORE! I didn't think it was possible, I thought I loved him perfectly the day he came into my life. But each day I would go to bed at night feeling more love for him than I did that morning. My husband Gavin and I would say the same thing to one another - "I love him more today than I did yesterday!" It's not that we didn't love him much yesterday, it's just that we had spent more time with him and gotten to know him more, and consequently, our love for him had increased in every way. Even to this day I still love him more and more as the time goes by. I can't imagine how much love I am going to have for him when he is 10 years old....or 21... Or 40!Before becoming a parent I was expecting to have some kind of revelation and increased knowledge of God's love for us once I had had a baby. I was joyfully anticipating that I would experience more of the Fathers love in a fresh and new way as I made the transition from simply being a child to becoming a parent. But nothing could have prepared me for the continual blessing and revelation of God's love as I watch my son grow. Recently as I was spending time in God's presence I felt a beautiful whisper to my heart and as I penned the words in my journal, heavens revelation overflowed powerfully through me:"Do you want to know how much I love you? I love you more than you love Hugo. You love Hugo so deeply, but you are only just getting to know him and discovering more of his personality each day as he grows and develops. Yet I love you because I MADE you and CREATED you and I DECIDED WHO YOU ARE. I DESIGNED WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE THAT IS WHO I WANTED YOU TO BE. I created you perfectly to my hearts desire. I am not getting to know you, I knew you before time began. I knew you in my heart before my hands crafted your being into existence. When I created you I saw what I wanted, I saw my hearts desire and formed it. You. I love you because that's exactly who I made."Does that thought not blow your mind?!?! Does it not cause you to crumble in awe and humility?!?! God - the creator of the universe - designed you specifically to his hearts desire! All the little things you may not like about yourself, they are made by him because that is exactly what he wanted in you. He wanted YOU and so he created YOU and he LOVES YOU because of who YOU are, not because of what you do or don't do.It's so easy to get caught up in things we don't like about ourselves, or things we see as a weakness in our life. But stop for a minute and meditate on the thought that perhaps those are the very things God created in you because that's what he wanted, that's exactly what he desired! Maybe there's some physical attributes, or personality traits that you struggle with in yourself. If we can accept that these things are actually what God wanted when he created us - and not just humanity as a whole, but us individually and personally, you and me - and if we can joyfully embrace this beautiful person who he created for his own pleaser and love, then not only are we going to experience a deeper level of freedom, confidence, security and identity in him, but we are actually worshiping and glorifying him in doing so. This is an act of worship and surrender!Who are we, as jars of clay, to tell the potter that we don't like what he made, when he made each of us as he desired and for his purpose and plan. And not only that, he thinks this creation is absolutely beautiful! Lets honor him with a thankful and humble heart and let's put this pot to full use in the way the creator intended it to be.I didn't get to decided who my son is or what kind of personality he has or who he will become. I am getting to know this little person more in every moment we cherish together. Yet I love him sooooo unbelievably much! The thought that God saw in his heart exactly who he wanted and then created that desire - me! And YOU! - just causes my heart to overflow in response to his perfect love.